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  • Writer's picturedennisharris04

Healing While Creating Your Best Life

It is possible to heal from whatever personal hell you are going through or have gone through while figuring out what your best life looks like. It can seem like an impossible task to think of what a better life might look like if you are struggling with adversity like abuse, trauma, lack of support, and feeling stuck in a life that is simply not making you feel whole or happy. We all have dreams that give us a moment of light, no matter how dark the situation may be at the time. When I was going through abuse growing up, there were a few moments that were tipping points that made me want to pursue a better life. I started to pursue things that would make me physically and mentally stronger.

When I was a kid it was sports like Football, Wrestling, Box Lacrosse, and anything else that would challenge me. Strong minds go hand in hand with strong bodies and you may be surprised what getting yourself engaged physically can do. Start working to get yourself in shape and with every bit of exercise, you will start to realize the amazing effects it has mentally. Get out for a walk, feel the stress start to melt away and at that moment you may have some clarity. It may be a good time to start thinking about rewriting your story. When you are done your walk, think about your dreams and start to write down how you see yourself, envision how a better life might look. So, how does it look? Start forming a belief system where you remind yourself that you deserve better. Remind yourself you are capable of more, even when times seem dark, especially in those times. When it comes to reinventing your story, just the idea of it may be a daunting task. There is a line in a Foo Fighters song that talks about learning to walk again, I think it has a lot to do with what I’m writing now.

The idea of being in a situation for so long, becoming all you know, can feel as hard as learning to walk when trying something new. Think about the toddler that staggers, falls over, and then tries to pull himself or herself up on a piece of furniture. The best part is watching the relentless pursuit of that same toddler keep doing it until he or she is not only walking but running. In some instances we allow ourselves to lose that pure drive to pursue things to better our situations. It can be different things like abuse, or relationships that suffocate and suppress the need to grow. At some point, we may have even become afraid to fight, in turn forgetting how to pursue with relentlessness just like the toddler I referenced.

People in those types of situations often blame themselves, are ashamed, afraid, and have been made to feel that everything that is happening is because of something they did.

That is absolutely not the truth, it’s not your fault, and I hope you learn to forgive yourself and others. That is important so you don’t carry around extra baggage like resentment and anger. The more you carry those things around, the more you still empower the people that tried to drag you down and keep you there. Start healing by sharing more, allowing people to share so that you can learn and teach other people so your pain means more than just surviving. It can become empowering for others, it allows you to both heal and grow at the same time. I think it becomes important to surround yourself with like-minded people who want to live their best life, embrace change and progression, and are willing to share on a very real level. True relationships are built on like-minded foundations and are capable of weathering troubled times when it is needed.

It is important to walk away from the things that are holding us back, dragging us down and keeping our lives on a very unproductive and probably miserable path. It takes real courage to walk away from what we know, to reach down and transcend a hard past and journey. You can do it! Healing is possible while trying to create your best life.

I remember one time in particular that my dad hurt me badly, it was scary, but there was some very bright light that came from that. I realized everything that I never wanted to be or pursue in life, and I wanted to chase everything that separated me from that. Things like being around more positive and kinder people, bigger dreams in life like having a loving family, bettering myself, and never making excuses about my life. The darkness of my young life had given way to the light of following a better path for myself in everything I did. Learning to walk again, without the help of people that were supposed to teach me to walk the first time. Some people have expressed to me that my situation is sad, and it may have been, but there is a freedom that is amazing when you start to find that better path.

You start to choose your hard by finding ways to challenge yourself like learning a language, writing in your spare time, pursuing a job, or completely moving to a different place for a while. All things that shake up your routine can help you heal and grow at the same time. When we are faced with that kind of choice, it may be when we start looking for excuses, things like time, waiting for things to get better, and the hope that our dreams may come true. How many of you have heard the expression, “time heals all wounds”? I used to believe that time heals all wounds and that all things have to get better with the passing of it. That is not true, it only has the potential to change and heal things, depending on what you do with that time. Time may dull the sharp edges of the pain you feel from things as it passes and the memories might become faded, but they will remain stored in places you do not realize. The version of our pain then becomes a story we tell ourselves, which I believe is typically made up of the anguish and damage we felt from whatever experiences.

Sharing your story with others and embracing the things you need to do will help and make better use of time as it passes. The healing will happen because it is not being buried looking for it to go away with time, but instead embraced and used to better your life. The idea that we allow ourselves to get bogged down with the belief that time will heal all becomes an exit strategy when it comes to dealing with adversity. You will use that exit and over time those buried feelings will start surfacing at the most inopportune times, hopefully not making things too much worse for your life. Stop empowering a negative past, no matter where it comes from.

Take charge of those moments when you are feeling down and beat up, even if a situation seems dark and impossible, a bright empowering thought can be brought to the surface. We all have dreams, start trying to envision how those dreams will unfold. In my darkest moments, I came up with my best ideas for a better life and was grateful to have survived some life-altering abuse. It started me thinking, I am glad to be here with the ability to change my life and I started writing everything I could think of to get me to my best life. Fear can be crippling, but if you channel it, there is a possibility to transcend and embrace the thing that is scaring you. My step-father gave me a blueprint for everything that I didn’t want to be in life. I started searching for better people, better paths, and looking for ways to make my path different from the examples that were pushed on me.

If we allow time to run away by hoping it will be a friend that heals, we may wake up wondering why we are still angry, hurt, and possibly dealing with regret. Start making time a tool that allows you to be healthy, embrace change, work on healing, learn how to share, be willing to keep learning, and be happy that it has passed on the best terms you could have created for yourself. I always feel like I'm not doing enough, which can sometimes be exhausting, but I want to create memories, heal, share, and be able to offer most of myself in the best possible way. “Time heals all wounds” is a saying that needs to be changed regarding what you do with it.

Use every minute of it to make sure you are doing what you can to ensure you are living the life you deserve. When you are looking back it should be with no regrets, but instead, a life that brings you a warm and fulfilled feeling. Get that list started, make the way you live the best revenge, and live well…What are your dreams? How do you envision them? Have you stopped to picture what your best life might be? Learn how to heal while progressing by doing some of these things and before long nothing will be holding you back from the direction you want to take.

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