You Are Not Entitled To Anything. Period.

Life is about creating and living experiences, giving back by sharing what you learn from them with others and helping them do the same. Listen to me carefully, nobody owes anyone anything, and no one is entitled to anything just because. There are too many people walking around, expecting to just be handed what they feel life owes them. What do you owe yourself?

I was very proud the other day because my oldest son stopped to ask me if I would pick up some snacks for him and his friends who were coming over to watch the Superbowl. He offered to pay for them with his paper route money if I didn’t mind picking them up. I didn’t let him pay, was impressed that he chose to offer instead of ask, and was happy to do something nice for his get-together as his dad. I thought it was great he was already wanting to do something for himself and the friends he invited. It got me thinking about another family member who tried his best to ruin my day the day before. At forty-one years old he suggested that I owed him because my life had gone better than his and he was still struggling. After years of trying to help, I suggested that a man in his forties should have figured out a few things for himself. That made me completely unpopular and the barrage of verbal abuse I took after was both ridiculous and hurtful because for some people it will never be enough no matter how much you give. To those kinds of people, life will always be in the red when it comes to what they think is owed.

I wonder what happened to the world, where it seems people take less pride in what they can do and accomplish, over what they are owed and get given to them. There is something special as a dad when your child is already thinking about things like paying his own way and wanting to share his hard-earned money. My son is in his first year of high school and already has a better sense of pride than someone else I know who has been alive for four decades. If you’ve read my other blogs or posts that I have written, you know it wasn’t always easy for me, and the early years some would consider brutal. That being said I never felt like people or life owed me, I always wanted to bring something or contribute to whatever I was taking part in. I never liked that victim mentality, and I hate it when people would say,” he is doing good, considering where he came from…”. No, I did well in general, because of my hard work and my willingness to learn, to help, and do for myself and others in the process. It built my own confidence and created lasting relationships that have stood the test of time. When I went over to a girlfriend's house for holidays, I always felt out of place because I felt like it was because I had no place to go. I needed to feel like my presence contributed something, and I can remember turning down invites on Christmas to not feel like a burden. It was hard, but I never wanted people to feel sorry for me or pity me in any way, and give or share because I had a different life.

I spent years building accomplishments for myself so I never needed a handout or spent time looking to see who was going to make my life better, I just did it myself. The things people choose to get upset over these days make me shake my head, you see all kinds of examples of self-entitled BS. The parents who have kids that consistently act up at school, who know they’ll get more attention because that’s how it works at home. The teacher in that situation finally gives the kid heck, and guess what, that kid’s parent gets upset with the teacher. What about the time that child is taking from the rest of the kids?... Then there are the kids whose parents sign them up for a sport, the kid misses practice most of the time, but because they paid money, expect the same time as the hard-working kid who is there every night. Not on my watch! It’s unsafe and unfair…do the work and you’ll get your time. What does pride mean to you? Think about that and be honest. If it means getting the most, while doing the least, you have none. I spent my whole life working hard, embracing opportunities, so I would never wake up in my forties wondering when somebody was going to give me what “I’m owed”. If you raise kids that way, they will suffer and so will you, because the cycle will continue as an ongoing, tired sense of entitlement.

Have you heard those people say,” I grew up poor, so life owes me!”? No, you were just poor, now go out and work for what you’re worth. The angry people who were abused and want to take it out in the world. Get some help, find a vision of a better life and start mapping out a plan for a better path. Ask for help if you need it. If you have an open heart, open mind and people see you are trying, the help will be there. Throwing a self-entitled temper tantrum has become way too common in a life that already has too many things going on. The sense of doing something great for yourself, cannot not be matched by someone just handing you something. If you work for something, take pride in the accomplishment, you will take far better care of it. Expecting things from friends and family because you feel you are owed is selfish, nothing but ill feelings will come from it in the end. If you are reading this and those things are resonating with you for the wrong reasons, maybe pissing you off a bit…Good, use it to change, and start making a change in your mindset, chances are you will see a difference in how productive people receive you. We all need help and there is certainly nothing wrong with that, but don’t expect it! People give what they can, when they can and the individual you are asking for it, may need yours one day. Have you used the help you have been given to be in a position to reciprocate one day? Are you one of those people who expect it, but will have an excuse when it’s asked of you? If you answered yes to the last two questions, what are you going to do when people start saying no?

The core of society needs to be made of people willing to do for themselves and others, or it will become lopsided and a little sad. The world in my opinion is slipping the wrong way when it comes to good old-fashioned work ethic and pride in doing for ourselves. There are still a lot of good people who hold those dear to their beliefs, my hope in writing this is that those people do not become a small minority of the population. There are glimpses everyday that give me hope that we can right the ship, like my son. Unfortunately, there are too many examples of supervisors, managers, and people in trusted positions who believe in nepotism and favoritism, even if their relative is not the best person for the job. Those actions help to feed the self-entitlement monster, and we are running out of good minded people capable of slaying that beast. For more on nepotism and favoritism, look through my blog site because there is one blog more in-depth on those specific topics. We need to start taking back a community culture, and we need to start from all aspects of life and make a real effort. If you are a person with some authority and expect people to do whatever you say, that is not proper leadership. I would question how you obtained that position and what your intentions were to try to get it. Leaders create other leaders!

Self-entitlement can come in everyday things that we may not give much thought to, like holding a door. Do you take the time to hold a door open for someone? Are you one of those people who wouldn’t hold a door, but get upset when someone doesn’t do it for you? I know a coach that threw a temper tantrum because his kid didn’t make an elite football team and spent a ton of time emailing, harassing people, and telling everyone who would listen about the grave injustice…That would have been time better spent teaching the kid how to prepare properly, how to learn from rejection, and be ready for the next opportunity. What he did was the life equivalent of handing the kid a toolbox with no tools and not teaching him how to acquire any. Think about that. The preparation would have been a great life lesson, wrapped up in quality time with a father and son. One step closer to teaching the son away from a brutal self- absorbed, expectant path in life.

There are people who believe because they have money, that they are more important and it should be about them. I prefer examples of people like Bill Gates who created something amazing, became wealthy and spends his whole life giving back to the community. That is a real legacy. How about some professional athletes who give back? I like examples of NFL players that made it from humble beginnings to finding wealth and success in football, that spend time in their communities. They receive awards like the “Walter Peyton Man of the Year'' award for endless amounts of contribution in reciprocating their fortunate situations. These great examples of creating your best path, then teaching others, helping people like they were helped and creating a positive example. Complete opposites of entitlement and self absorbed disgusting behavior. We need more grounded people to work towards getting some balance back to our society. I hope reading this makes a difference in knowing that you are not alone because you agree. If you are one of the people I referenced, I hope reading this hit home. What are you going to do to right your ship? It starts with you…Start by holding a door for someone today, without looking for anything in return.